


Till The Siren Comes Calling

by Im_Feeling_Blue



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Almost forgot that, Angst, Cheating, Happy Ending?, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Okay this is a mess I'm not sure where I'm going with this, Trans Yuuri Katsuki, also about the happy ending, check your pc, definitely, i might get explicit later, i wish I was good with emotions, infidelity is more complicated than you think, it could seem like a bad ending in some people's eyes, no immediate comfort tho, probably, there may be angry sex later but let's see where the characters take me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-11-05 09:39:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11010807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_Feeling_Blue/pseuds/Im_Feeling_Blue
Summary: Yuuri gave a choked sob, quickly moving to cover his mouth while glancing to his right side. He was met with nothing. He stared for a few seconds, and then, with a few short, breathy laughs, he realized how meaningless of a gesture it was.Viktor wasn't there to hear him anyway.





	1. Where Are You

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I had this in my mind for a bit and then realized some people were writing cheating victuuri fics and before someone could write something similar to this I quickly wrote the beginning. I'm not sure where it's headed or how it'll end, but I am going to finish this. Let's see how this goes!
> 
> I'm probably gonna change this chapter later.

Katsuki Yuuri is a now unemployed ballet instructor.  
Viktor Nikiforov is the most decorated figure skater in the world.

At times ( _sometimes, most of the time, all of the time_ ) Yuuri feels a little insecure ( _inferior, insignificant, worthless_ ) compared to him, but he knew their relationship was as deeply treasured by Viktor as it was by him.

Well, currently he was just hoping that. Being alone and awake at five in the morning left him a lot of time to think, and Yuuri being Yuuri, that's all he did. He thought about a lot of things. He thought about his day, the recent book he read, the new ballet studio Viktor had made for him in his extra room, how long it's been since he'd seen Phichit, how much he missed his deceased dog, how many hundreds of miles there are between him and his family, how different everything was in Russia with such a quick sharp language his soft tongue couldn't speak and his untrained ears were still struggling to understand, his nagging fear that one day he would wake up and find that everyone he loved replaced him, gotten tired of him, forgotten him, that one day he would wake up and find the side of his bed empty just like he had been expected ever since he and Viktor started dating because he was incomplete and broken and clingy and possessive and pathetic and anxious and the engagement would be called off and-

Yuuri's throat tried to gulp the same time it constricted, his eyes stinging and heart squeezing.

He mostly thought about Viktor.

( _When_ _isn't_ _he?_ )

Viktor was a friendly person ever since they first met, growing more and more touchy as the years went by, loving and patient and kind. Yuuri had at first felt their relationship was going relatively smoothly, satisfied with the emotional and mental aspects of their relationship, and even though they never had anal or vaginal sex together he had felt the sexual side of their romance was going well too. _We're_ _fine_ , he told himself day and night.

_Don't worry._

But maybe he was the only one who was satisfied.

( _Figures._ )

A little over a year ago Yuuri had a bilateral mastectomy. The scars hadn't healed enough for him to be comfortable taking his shirt off, so whenever they did anything sexual the shirt stayed on. Viktor was very understanding of that. Then a few months later Yuuri started to think about his, for lack of better words, lack of a penis and the little confidence he had faltered more, lowering his sex drive. This happened time to time, so Viktor tried his best to respect that. But after nearly a year of nothing Viktor tried to rekindle the fire, wanting to go all the way as a way to celebrate Yuuris first night in Russia.

Yuuri couldn't do it.

It's not that he isn't attracted to Viktor. He definitely is! But there were many things stopping him from trying anything more than fingering in the dark and giving some blow jobs. For one thing, he had never had sex before Viktor, his only experience beforehand being him awkwardly masturbating in the solitude of his room. Secondly, he sometimes felt the absence of a dick hit him harder than usual, and it made him less than enthusiastic to participate in anything of that nature. There were also factors such as Yuuri's confidence managing to take a bigger nosedive thanks to weight gain, the stress of searching for a job in a foreign country that made him think he should have put more consideration into his move to Russia, and the fact that Viktor is an experienced man, and unlike himself, was probably not satisfied with the vanilla way Yuuri found himself preferring things. Not only that, but while he usually considered himself a male through and through, he was terrified that Viktor, a gay man, would be put off after seeing what he had to offer. He was scared Viktor would reconsider their relationship. He knew it was unlikely, not to mention insulting to Viktors character, but what he knew and how he felt were entirely different things.

In fact, Yuuri had agreed to have penetrative sex in the beginning, so Viktor spent much of his time trying to make Yuuri as comfortable as possible, dimming the lights, whispering sweet words of praise and love, loving him down down down until he went too low low low and Yuuri had panicked ( _cried_ , _freaked_ out, _broke_ _down_ ), pushing Viktor away both figuratively and literally. He suspected, no, he knew it frustrated his fiancé, who, before their relationship, was used to having his many sexual needs met in ways Yuuri wasn't ready for ( _ways_ _he_ _couldn't_ _do_ ). The event, while they never talked about it, put another stop to their sexual escapades. Yuuri, who was frankly relieved about it, thought that was that.

( _It_ _was_ _not._ )

( _Selfish._ )

Ever since then Viktor began to act differently. For a few weeks now, he had stayed out at night, at first for short walks, gradually coming home later and later, practicing late into the night ( _or_ _so_ _he_ _says_ ). His leaving always scared Yuuri, fearing he would one day leave and never come back ( _never_ _look_ _back_ ), but he was too afraid of coming across as controlling so he always said "okay" whenever Viktor bothered to tell him ahead of time ( _today_ _he_ _didn't_ ). It wasn't just his nighttime trips that concerned Yuuri, but also the way he acted throughout the day. Good morning kisses changed to simple verbal greetings, he stopped asking Yuuri to make him bentos for his lunch, he stopped visiting Yuuri in his studio to watch him dance, stopped begging to shower with him, and, most hurtful of all, he didn't say "I love you" as often as he used to. What used to be a sentiment shared multiple times a day was now said a few times a week. It hurt not to hear it when he first woke up. It hurt not to see it written on the memo board by the fridge. It hurt not to have it whispered almost every time they passed by each other in the apartment, at dinner, during showers, before bed.

It was as if Viktor was losing interest. 

( _He_ _expected_ _this._ )  
   
Yuuri gave a choked sob, quickly moving to cover his mouth while reflexively glancing to his right side. He was met with nothing. He stared for a few seconds, and then, with a few short, breathy laughs, he realized how meaningless and stupid of a gesture it was.

Viktor wasn't there to hear him anyway.

His laughs quickly turned to sobs as thoughts started to zip and flash through his mind. Why was Viktor gone so often? Why was he acting so distant? Were they still engaged? Did they break up and he hadn't realized it? Oh god, how embarrassing and pitiful he must seem to Viktor, holding on to a relationship he didn't even notice had broken. When did this happen? Was it because of his love handles? Was it something he said, was it because he wouldn't have sex, was it because his depression and anxiety were too much to handle, was he too clingy, too obsessive, too indecisive, did he find someone better, who, where, when, why-  
The apartment door started to open.

Quickly burying his face into his pillow, he closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing. He heard footsteps go to and from the kitchen. A coat was hung up, shoes set by the door, bathroom door opened and shut. Water began to shoot out of the shower head, sounds quickly turning into the loud bangs and crashes of his thoughts that were buzzing through his head, beating down on him until his body was pinned to the empty mattress that wanted to suffocate him with its abundance of nothingness ( _it_ _already_ _was_ ). Drained, Yuuri closed his eyes. _Viktor would never cheat on you_ , he told himself. He repeated this in an attempt to lull himself into sleep.

Viktor came to bed a few minutes later, spooning Yuuri from behind, arms wrapped around him tightly as though to prevent him from escaping.

Yuuri smelled alcohol on him, a growingly familiar scent that clung to Viktors form like a second skin that he couldn't quite shed off no matter how much he tried.

 

  
( _He_ _expected_ _that_ _too._ )


	2. What Are You Doing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit waddup! it's 1 something and I have to wake up at 7 something I forget and I'm really tired and ugggggh. 
> 
> I find that I only write and publish things when I'm really tired. I can't drink so it's the next best thing!
> 
> this is hard. writing is hard. I'll probably rewrite this chapter and the other chapter but I'm also just as likely not to because I'm lazy! yaaaay!

Viktor Nikiforov is a selfish, dishonest man that wants everything.

Katsuki Yuuri is an beautiful, wholesome man that deserves everything.

To people who know of only Viktor, these are just words from a lovesick fool ( _which he gladly is_ ). To people who know Viktor and Yuuri, these are exaggerations from a dramatic fiancé ( _which he proudly is_ ). To Viktor, these were confessions of a guilty man ( _which he shamefully has always been_ ).

Viktor has never been good with romantic relationships. People always pursued him, wanted to feel the pride that came with fucking and being fucked by Viktor Nikiforov, and he always carefully chose who was lucky and good enough to be had. He's charmed many people, bed many people, left many people, and hurt many people because sex is wonderful and beauty is desirable and he is selfish. He's played the game for so long that stopping was impossible. Exclusivity wasn't a word in his vocabulary as he would easily sneak away from his current play date when another pretty one showed interest, playing all night in some five-star hotel room because he had standards. Early in the morning he would slip out of the room, sometimes leaving his number, sometimes nothing at all. He would always text Chris in an attempt to assuage his guilt.

 _(He felt a half-assed confession gave him pardon._ )

( _They don't_ )

To put it simply, Viktor used to cheat all the time and had an issue with making emotional connections. He sucked at relationships, and that's probably why he's currently at some hotel room, wasted and kissing a man at 12:40 in the morning while his fiancé was sleeping at home. The man had soft black hair, big brown eyes, and a small frame. The man also didn't care that Viktor was calling him Yuuri the entire time. To be fair, the man was also extremely drunk.

If Viktor was sober, he'd be horrified. But sober Viktor was also feeling very depressed and unwanted, and that's why drunk Viktor existed right now.

Sober Viktor worries that his fiancé isn't attracted to him. Sober Viktor feels that his fiancé doesn't love him.

( _Why should he?_ )

Katsuki Yuuri is a beautiful ballet instructor that Viktor met when Viktor was 25 and Yuuri was 21 during a random vacation to the USA in the offseason. They were at a club and Yuuri was white girl wasted, seducing Viktor while wrapped around a pole. Then Yuuri had given Viktor the night of his life, not because he was Viktor Nikiforov, but because he "was pretty and sad and no one so cute should be so lonely". They had danced, joked, drank, and talked all night. That is until Yuuri pulled a Cinderella and disappeared from existence. Luckily, Viktor remembered the beautiful man mentions dance studio and decided to check every single one in Detroit. And as fate would have it, at the fifth dance studio he saw a certain angel doing ballet. The rest, you could say, was history.

( _It may become history. Something that passed, something that ended._ )

They have been together for three years now, and Viktor knows some things about Yuuri. He knows that Yuuri goes from sort of affectionate and loving to distant and cold. He knows Yuuri is trans and refuses to have any sex except for giving Viktor oral or being fingered in the dark. He knows Yuuri loved him enough to propose, but took five months to say "I love you" after Viktor did. He knows Yuuri had top surgery, he helped care for him after all, and that he feels insecure about the scars. He knows that after waiting for it to heal enough Yuuri decided on his own to move to Russia with Viktor instead of staying in America. He knows Yuuri is a little lost and unsure in Russia. He knows Yuuri has (somehow) befriended Yurio and find comfort in having at least one friend (or son/brother at this rate), and He knows Yuuri knows he'll do whatever he can to help because he loves Yuuri more than he thought was possible. He also knows Yuuri likes his space, he knows he knows he  _knows_.

But he doesn't know how much Yuuri loves him.

Yuuri, as mentioned before, gets distant sometimes. But he usually comes back. Now, though, after the top surgery, he's slowly put off intimacy until they've stopped doing it altogether. Now he pulls away and rejects Viktor attempts at connecting again. When Yuuri arrived at Russia he agreed to make love with him, and that overjoyed Viktor. He wanted to share share something new with Yuuri, to deepen their bond with intimacy, to show his love in a different way, to release his sexual tension in a loving manner he wished was done with him during his first time. He wanted to show Yuuri how cared for he is and will forever be with Viktor. Yes, Viktor was excited. Then Yuuri panicked and refused again.

Viktor is under no illusion that Yuuri HAS to have sex with him. Yes, Viktor was very sexually frustrated considering he's had to satisfy himself with his own hands, but he figured Yuuri was just insecure. That was fine. But at this point Yuuri has rejected everything. When Viktor kisses him he gets a little stiff, when he says "I love you" he usually doesn't hear it back, when Viktor says he's going out Yuuri never asks for specifics or offers to go with or even give a "good bye". He just says "okay" and looks back out the window or down at his phone.

It scares Viktor, the new distance between them. He analyzes everything now. Has he come across as too pushy? Is it because he always asks for Yuuri to prepare him a bento for lunch? Is it annoying? Is it because he always interrupts his dance practices? Should he stop asking for things? Is he demanding? Is it something else? Is he too nosy? Intrusive? Loud? Childish? Is he too much? Is it because he really wants sex? Is that weird? Is he off putting? Is he not enough? Is Yuuri not attracted to him? Is that why he pushes away? Does he even want to get married? Does Yuuri even want 3 kids and 15 dogs and 2 cats for Yurio and a family portrait of them, their kids, their pets, and their Yurio hanging over the fire place of their future house? Does Yuuri want a future together? Did he fall out of love? Is that why he doesn't care about what Viktor does? Is that why he doesn't bother asking why Viktor smells like alcohol when he said he would be out skating? Does he even notice how he comes home late?

Viktor has been thinking a lot lately.

( _He knows of a lot of people that would find that funny._ )

Viktor also has been out drinking a lot lately. Which is, in case you forgot, why he was kissing a man from a bar at 12:40 a.m. Although now he's sleeping in a hotel room with that same man after they finished fucking rather intensely at two in the morning.

When Viktor woke up it was around six and he was confused. He didn't know where he was or why he was there, staring groggily at the cup of water and Advil set on the unfamiliar dresser next to him. His first thought was that Yuuri was being unnecessary because they both knew Viktor didn't get hangovers. He had opened his mouth to voice this when he remembered that he went out to drink _alone_. So who gave him the pill? Shooting up, he looked to his side, saw a small man who looked back at him, squinting and concerned, saw the cum on the sheets, the hickeys on the mans body, and promptly jumped out of the bed. Without a word, he dressed himself quickly and ran out the door, panicked and nauseous.

Viktor ran to his apartment, ran to Yuuri, his Yuuri, and refused to think about what just happened. He tried to quietly open the door and go to the bathroom, body trembling all the while.

As soon as he got into the bathroom, he turned on the shower and vomited until it was coming out of his nose and his throat burned and his body shook violently. Heart thumping and mind scrambling, he cleaned up and hopped in the shower, scrubbing his skin raw. Memories belonging to his drunk self were coming to him. _You wanted sex, you wanted if it bad._  he reminded him _self._ _But not like this,_ he thought back. He scrubbed harder. His mind made excuses and accusations, defending and demeaning himself. He started to bleed.

When he finished, he dried himself and ignored his usual self-care ritual he had before going to sleep. He slowly made his way into the bedroom, their bedroom, climbed into bed, and brought Yuuri's sleeping body to his. He didn't want to think about their strained relationship, about his _incident_ , about anything. He just held onto Yuuri, so soft and comforting and lovely, and fell asleep.

He wasn't going to practice that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't lose interest in this story I just im really tired and not good at writing because I have 100 ideas on how this could go and didn't know what to write so I wrote something at 12 whatever in the morning and I'm uploading now or I'll never do it!! wow! amazing!
> 
> pretty sure no one actually cares but! this is the internet! I'll do what I want! 
> 
> I think I button mashed somewhere because I almost fell asleep but I could have imagined it.
> 
> also random question: does anyone get queasy when they're really sad or something? or just throw up? also is it weird if I title some chapters and don't title others? is that a thing people do?

**Author's Note:**

> I wish I was one of those writers with the ability to invoke Deep™ emotion in the readers, but sadly I can't. The only thing I'm alright at writing is opinion pieces. I don't know how I've gotten into honors English classes.
> 
> I just recently edited this and didn't change much.
> 
> Sigh.


End file.
